The Benin Boy Starter Pack is your sure guide to becoming a Benin Boy. Don’t let them deceive you; you don’t have to be named Osas or Monday to become a classic Benin Boy. Lemme just first state (a caveat, if you like) that there is a big difference between a Benin Boy and a boy from Benin City.
Without any further ado (in fact, leave ado for Ado-Ekiti), let’s get into it:
Benin Boy Starter Pack
The Harshest Accent
If it does not sound like you’re completely drunk and missing a part of your brain, you are not doing it right. Benin boy accent, at its best, is drawn out not rushed. Kill dem with tues (choose), eye yus (I just), ije (iye) and pentrol (petrol). Also, remember to add decent English words like “authority” and “innovation” in random places.
The G-boy Fit
You know the fit now. Huge ungainly polos like you’re from the 90’s or like you are your girlfriend borrowing your shirt. Stonewashed jean shorts with loud embellishments. Those Pam slippers look like they were made from melted Michelin tires. Bottega Veneta, which we all know Bottega Veneta did not make. Fake Dior, Louis Vuitton, Versace, and other designer names you cannot pronounce correctly even if your life depended on it.
Hair Dye
It’s a rite of passage. At least once, even if it is just for Christmas, you have to dye your hair. Your color choices are vast. Anything from a safe blonde to the Ruger pink will do. You can also make it multicolored if that’s what you’re into.
Fake Airpods with a Belt Clip
I mean, how else will we know that you can afford is-it-real-is-it-fake-uhm-likely-fake AirPods, if you don’t clip it to your waist? Also, so we don’t miss it, please wear the belt way below your waist and laxly as though it does not actually hold up your trousers.
iPhone
It really does not matter whether the model was released when you were still in secondary school, has a home button that sinks to the back of the phone upon touch, or a screen that’s barely wide enough to see a whole IG post at the same time, as a Benin boy, you must have iPhone. You see those models that had the Roman figure ten, call it X any chance you get.
Bedsheet Boxers from “Banana Republic”
At some point, someone, likely from Aba with connections to China, decided that turning bedsheets into boxers shorts is a lucrative business. The same person branded it as Banana Republic (not associated with the actual fashion brand) and our Benin boys did not let it die the natural death it deserved. Purchase them sparsely and wear a pair as long as you can before washing.
Patriarchy 500g
Wear your male privilege like your life depends on it.
Encourage other men not to express themselves with the phrase “you nor be man”? Have zero shame always.
Misogyny 500g
Say the most random and insulting things to women. Cat-call them and when they don’t respond, call them “ashawo” and act like you think you ate. Have multiple babes and anytime you’re going to see them, refer to them as “checkens” and “smallie”.
Those are the basic requirements in the Benin Boy Started Pack, I hope that helps.
Ladies, don’t feel left out, check out our Benin Girl Starter Pack here.
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