How to Live with Benin Landlords 101

You’re probably wondering what this piece is about or why it is even necessary. But trust me, living with Benin landlords is a loooooooooooot! I know this because I have tried living with one, and my darlings, what my eyes saw…..only my mouth nor fit talk am!
If you’re currently house hunting or planning to move into a house with a live-in landlord in Benin City, here’s a guide on how to live with Benin landlords peacefully:

Do Not Bring Love Life Home!

I know this is a difficult ask but please if you are not married, leave your love life outside! Do not bring your boyfriend or girlfriend home or your landlord will accuse you of turning his/her house into a brothel. Even if you have coconut head and manage to sneak them in, sha nor let Oga Landlord catch you because the embarrassment go loud! Imagine someone accusing you of wanting to spoil the prayers made in their house with your fornication.…yes, it can be that bad!

Refrain From Cooking Aromatically Pleasing Foods

My people forget all this big grammar, what I’m trying to say here is if you’re like me that love enjoyment, try to keep it on the low. Nor go dey fry turkey every day because Oga landlord can start questioning the source of your livelihood. You might have to explain how you’re a teacher but you’re using turkey to eat chips. A whole turkey! Of course, you are a yahoo boy!

Pay Your Bills Upfront

Darlings, there’s nothing Benin Landlords love more than money. If you can, pay two years’ rent, pay your electricity and maintenance bills yearly, and add a little something extra sef. NEPA may still come to cut your light sha because paying your Landlord upfront is no guarantee that they’d sort the bills. Benin Landlords that I know will probably use your money to chop life at their favourite pub, they’ll be like ‘gimme Heneiken, mortuary standard’, while you’re home struggling with darkness and heat.

Minimize Your Presence

In simpler terms, hide, be invisible! You see that saying, ‘out of sight, out of mind’, take it very personally when living with Benin Landlords. Close your windows, lock your doors, and don’t come out unless necessary. Do you see that thought of sitting on your balcony for fresh air? Dead it! The lesser Benin Landlords see you, the lesser they think of frustrating your life.

Say Goodbye to NightLife

What were you thinking before? That you’d have a live-in Benin Landlord and still be able to go clubbing? (inserts hyena laughter) Duhhhhling (in Tony Umez’s voice), if you don’t have money to get a hotel room, stay for house oooooh! By 7pm sharp, Benin Landlord go don knack kokoro for gate!

The moral of this story is Avoid Living with Benin Landlords if you value your mental health!

Read about 5 People You Will Find In A Comrade Bus here