Hey there, we are back again with the fourth version of Ask Osasu. In this article, we look at several tough questions about addiction and bringing up marriage without feeling awkward. Sit back and enjoy as Osasu answers the question that has been troubling you.
Peace, 24
How do you bring up marriage-related stuff without feeling awkward (I feel awkward about everything even though I already know he wants to marry me)?
Osasu
Marriage is simply not the be-all and end-all of a relationship and so, it mustn’t be in your thoughts at this time. I will encourage you to enjoy life and bask in your youth. However, if it is something that really bothers you and you wish to know, I’d advise you to bring it up at an intimate time. You know, those late-night calls and quiet dinners. Think about all that you really want to know and just ask, don’t be dodgy, and don’t be pushy. If he refuses to answer a question, that’s an answer in itself. It might tell you that he is not comfortable or sure about it. But girl, you’re just 24, enjoy your life small nao.
Peter, 22
I don’t know if this is a question for you, but I feel very shy and insecure around the female gender. There’s this girl I really like but anytime she tries to be nice to me, I lash out and behave childishly. I feel like I have ruined a beautiful thing. I just want to know how to be around women without hating myself for being a dork.
Osasu
The first step is to understand why. You say you feel shy and insecure around women, why? It could be a confidence problem. Perhaps you don’t feel like you deserve to be seen. It could also be that you think of women as aliens that you do not understand. You must ask yourself these questions and start making adjustments. You can make positive confessions and practice role-playing such a scenario.
As for the lady you’ve pushed away, you need to work on yourself first before making amends. Otherwise, you’ll make the same mistake again and that won’t be good for anybody.
Kelvin, 25
I think I’m addicted to sex because that’s the only thing I can think of. Anytime I see babe, I can only think of them in sexual positions. I used to have a FWB [Friend with Benefit] but she moved away and ever since it’s been really difficult. When I have money, I have even thought of hiring olosho. This thing is affecting my focus, and my boss has even given me query on top not completing tasks.
Osasu
As the saying goes, too much of anything is not good. Sex can be an amazing thing but when you make it a religion, you become its puppet. What you have described is often associated with excessive porn-watching. Perhaps, you have filled your brain with mental images of women in such positions that you can no longer see women in any other light.
You need to identify your triggers and avoid them at all costs. If you watch porn, this is a good time to stop. You can look at getting a sponsor to guide you through the journey away from addiction. You should also look at filling your mind with healthy thing, because when you successful get away from such triggers, you will need something to replace it.
Mary, 21
I like my neighbor but he smokes and drinks. He is always carrying women but he is very fine. He said I’m too small for him but he use to carry small small girls. Because of him, my boyfriend looks like a small boy in my eyes. I still like him but he is not like my neighbor. What do I do?
Osasu
I am sorry to be the one to tell you but your neighbour does not like you and the best thing you can do is steer clear of him. Such a person can really take advantage of you and hurt you badly if you let him. What you are feeling is lust – the same lust that girls your age have felt for telenovela stars, this cup will soon pass, trust me. Just don’t do anything you will regret while it lasts.
Osarumen, 25
Where’s the best place to get seafood boiled in Benin
Osasu
Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer to that (it’s not a relationship question), but please let me know if you find out.
Please don’t be hesitant to submit your urgent inquiry or challenging circumstance using our form so that we can work together to resolve it.
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